Why do you care so much about things?

How I stopped giving a crap about others' opinions

Is there a person in your life who never seems bothered? They’re always “doing alr,” feeling “chill,” or ending their messages in a “lol” like they’re secretly depressed. Whether it’s good, bad, or annoying news, there’s so little of a response that it becomes a game to find out what, if any, feelings they experience.

I began paying some attention to this person when I started noticing how little I read; time for it got eaten up by blogging, learning Spanish, and completing my summer work. So I turned to podcasts as a way of adding some learning to each day.

Soon, I found myself finishing every episode more confused on what I thought about something than what I learned about it. Guests would continue arguing in my head for days unless I sat down to consider their opinions. Despite all of this, I never missed a Diary of a CEO episode because listening was fun and convenient for me.

Interestingly, this conflicts with a position I hold that consuming lots of bias is making us stupid because I did end up smarter after each episode. The issue was in their nature. My mind never got a break because guests always had “hot takes” or divisive opinions. And whether or not these ideas were good, all got a platform, so I’d sometimes consider dumb opinions when making conclusions. Together, these numbed my ability to sit and gather my own thoughts, further encouraging me to “listen to a podcast” because thinking takes longer than topic overviews.

Any ideas I did come up with myself started also sounding like these overviews. After all that Bartlett, this was how I think now? In summaries and agreements? Part of me hated that it was easier to “consider every viewpoint” than risk spending a week mulling over whether or not I actually believed someone’s opinion. I was agreeing with ideas more than reasoning up to them.

This is the damage of, in my case, caring about too much information.

I see “caring” as the difference between how you feel about something and what that makes you do. So if you’re like me and find yourself immediately commenting on or fuming about everything you encounter on the Internet, it makes sense that Instagram and TikTok have so much control over you. The caring comes from acting on how we feel about the reel — disliking it, reposting it, etc — which is why this feels so heavy. Often unconsciously, we’re exchanging our peace just to interact with a post…

The things that give you feelings you act on — what you care about — can be split into two camps: short-term and long-term wants.

Here’s a relatable scenario… Getting good grades has always been a short-term “want” for me; they only matter during big tests or finals exams. But when I started getting bragging rights and was grouped in with the “AP kids,” I began studying more and focusing a lot on GPA weighting. Though I enjoyed hanging out with friends when I could, I often skipped lunch with them or was gone for long periods just to study.

Because I acted on wanting to be one of the smart students and not wanting to talk with friends, liking them more didn’t mean I cared about them more than my grades. It’s not about what you feel but which feelings you act on.

I’ve since used this idea on the podcasts and another thing I care too much about: my friends’ opinions.

The first issue has been improving. While I sometimes wish I could listen to Bartlett as often as I did, I’ve enjoyed spending that time annotating my summer English book. With fewer opinions about the world clouding my head and getting me to comment or dislike, I can use my care for more important matters.

My friends’ opinions of me have been tougher to shake off. Since starting an Instagram to promote my podcast, I feel the weight of remaining irrelevant post after post. I sometimes fear returning to school knowing that everyone could see my content getting no views.

Whenever these feelings arise, I try to remind myself that I don’t need to be taken seriously yet; this is the least serious stage I’ll be in until I have a team helping with questions, clips, and finding guests. So getting mocked for trying to improve publicly — when most people at my school have private accounts — is just their cowardice. You don’t lose respect for being public, only anonymity.

I’m also working on slowing down my timelines because ambition has a way of making marathons seem like sprints. And once friends start sharing opinions, you hope it stays a sprint because, if not, having no views or money means your podcast is silly.

But building things often takes years of being unseen; that doesn’t instantly mean it won’t succeed. And I realized that even if I don’t have a visibly successful podcast, while I may not be satisfied, I’ll still be proud of myself.

To end off, I write and post because I care more about my work than my friends’ opinion. This has allowed me to stop explaining why it’s okay that views on my reels are low or why saying “the blog will be successful” isn’t me joking or being delusional.

Our distractions are like flies. If you don’t swat at or act on them, they eventually leave through an opened window. So while I still feel like listening to Hormozi or my friends’ thoughts, I don’t do it as often. And I haven’t enough that not caring has become a behavior… one that also stops me from scrolling or keeping up with trends.

It’s ignoring, not ignorance, that is bliss.